Starring: Harrison Ford, Ray Winstone, Kate Blanchett, and others
This movie is an absolute blast! A thrill ride! It’s a non-stop mega adventure with lots of shooting and car chases and jumping in and out of cars and punching and scary bits and jungle natives with spears and blow pipes and everything.
If you’re over 12 years old though, and not a boy, you might find it a bit silly. In fact, even if you are a boy under 12, but are inclined to think about things for even a second after they vomit across your visual cortex, you might find it a bit silly.
But if you’re a normal, adventure loving, brainless drone being bred to work in a coal mine there’s a chance you won’t think this is the dumbest movie of the year so far.
That’s a bit cruel. Actually, it’s easy to enjoy Indy’s return. It rocks along at breakneck speed, and there are no kissy bits to slow down the action. The overall tone of the movie is not dissimilar to the old Errol Flynn version of Robin Hood. It’s a swaggering celebration of tough manhood in which the heroes are witty and invincible, and the baddies all incompetent. And the baddies here, Russians, this being set in the 1950s, are some of the worst shots ever seen.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. They are great at shooting incidental characters. Some inconsequential native turns up and he’s dead meat in the blink of an eye. However, a line of 20 Russians armed with everything from sabres to bazookas can’t even wing Indy or any of his party from a distance of six feet.
What’s more, Indy survives a nuclear (pronounced ‘noo-killer’ by Ford) explosion. A proper one. He’s great. Later, he motorbikes through a library (or ‘liberry’ as Indy calls it) whilst dishing out sage advice to students. He’s tough, and he’s got dash. That’s my kind of archaeologist. Or would be if I was a child.
Pre-adolescent girls have been having it all their way recently, what with Hannah Montana sucking the joy out of their childhood and loads of old shite about princesses being churned out by caring corporations like Disney. Now it’s the boys’ turn to test out some impossible-to-emulate role models.
Take a nephew to see this, or the younger brother of someone you’re trying to suck up to. You’ll be bored, irritated, and entertained in equal measure, but they’ll probably love it.